We all want to be the best parent possible, but after stepping into the role of mother or father, it quickly becomes clear that this is a difficult title to achieve and maintain. Between work, school, household chores, pets, and the million other tasks you have to handle, how do you make sure your kids know they are loved, cherished, and heard? We discuss some simple ways to be a better parent.
Congratulations! You have already started to become a better parent because you are looking for ways to improve yourself. Try some simple changes that can make a big impact on your child’s life. Best of all, you can start doing it today.
Be present
One of the most important parts of parenting is being present for your child. Whether you’re on the playground, at basketball practice, or in your own backyard, children are constantly looking to their parents to see if they’re watching them. Unless you are at work or there is an emergency, consider putting your phone down and paying more attention to it.
For busy parents who are at work all the time, you can easily carve out 30 minutes to an hour every day to spend with your kids. Go outside, play a family game, have dinner together, or read a few books before bed. During these moments, focus your attention on your child.
Use active listening
There is a difference between simply listening to your child and actually making him feel heard. Parents can easily achieve this by implementing active listening. This is the habit of being present during a conversation. You only need to follow five steps to perform this focused communication method.
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Remove distractions – Turn off the television, put down your phone and find a quiet place to talk.
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Get on their level – Kneel or sit at a table so that you can sit at eye level.
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Take turns talking – Allow each person to complete his or her thought before engaging in it. This allows you to fully understand what they are saying and respond appropriately.
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Acknowledge feelings and respond with open-ended questions – It’s best if ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are not part of these conversations. Ask how your child feels about the situation, what he liked most about his experience, how he plans to proceed with his project, or what he needs help with to make the situation easier. This continues the conversation and lets them know that you are interested and invested in what they have to say.
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Maintain eye contact – Look directly at your child when he or she speaks and pay attention to his or her non-verbal cues. We often misinterpret a situation because we simply don’t see the whole picture. Nonverbal signals make up more than half of all communication, making these subtle signals extremely important.
By changing the way you receive information, you can better understand your child’s perspective, help him or her feel heard, and help protect his or her mental health. Research also shows that when using active listening techniques, teens are more likely to open up and share their feelings and frustrations.
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Show and share affection
You are loved. How often do you hear those words? Would they make a difference in your day? Studies show that hearing this simple statement can improve a person’s health. How about a hug? Does this loving gesture give you a mental boost? Research shows that ‘four hugs a day [is] an antidote to depression, eight hugs a day [will] achieve mental stability and twelve hugs a day [will] to achieve real psychological growth.”
This is an easy change that can help you become a better parent – just sprinkle a little more love on it. Hug your kids, give them kisses before they go to school and bed, and say “I love you” more often. These displays of affection last only a few seconds, but their impact is impressive.
Share if you are proud
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool. It can help build your child’s confidence and self-esteem, and motivate him or her to keep pushing themselves in the future. However, it is important to remember that there can be too much of a good thing.
Parents should praise both big and small achievements, but they don’t have to praise every little action. Instead, choose times when they actually worked hard, went out of their way to show kindness, or modeled new beneficial behaviors.
These are some simple quotes you can use to express your feelings about your children and their actions:
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I’m so proud of your hard work!
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That was great! You were so kind to your brother/sister.
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I love that you care so much about the environment.
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Thank you for always being yourself.
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Wow! Your swing has gotten so much better! I can’t wait to see how the game goes next week!
Don’t compare your children
It is also important that parents do not play favorites or compare their children. “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” “Don’t you want to become an A-student, just like your sister?” “Your brother would help Mom without being asked.” Remember that your children are different people! They will never be the same and expecting this can result in resentment, sibling rivalry and low self-esteem. This can also make your children feel uncomfortable approaching you with their problems.
One of the best ways to be a better parent is to view each child as a unique individual, just as you would a stranger on the street. How would you talk to someone you don’t know? Most people wouldn’t compare them to others. So try not to do it with your children.
Set rules and be consistent
Children need structure and discipline. However, they are not mind readers, and when they are young they may not realize that they need to do certain things that adults associate with common sense. If you want to be a better parent without yelling, make sure your kids know the rules and consequences before they happen.
This can reduce the number of arguments and shorten your child’s outbursts when he or she has to accept a consequence. Finally, try to be consistent. Having consistent rules can help children learn and cause less confusion in the long run.
Acknowledge mistakes in a positive way
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes: that’s how we learn. If your children are failing at something, help them reframe their perspective on the situation. What have we done well? How can we do better next time? What can we learn from the situation?
So, for example, if your child’s team lost the basketball game, what were the good, the bad and the ugly? Let’s say your son has a great free throw shot (the good)but gets out of breath as he runs back and forth across the field (the bad)and he tripped during the match (the ugly). Acknowledge the best parts of the game first.
Then tackle the bad and ugly parts and come up with constructive solutions. “I used to run track, and it took me a year to get to a place where I could get through a full workout without struggling. You’ll get there too. How about we go to a public gymnasium as a family to get some exercise?” do together?” As for tripping, let him know that it can happen to anyone and then ask if he needs new shoes for his upcoming games. It’s possible it was an equipment error.
Teach your children to analyze their problems and look for possible solutions, rather than just dwelling on them. Admitting your mistakes is the first step to growth, and it can give you a better outlook on the future. These moments can also show your children that you are their supporter and that they can safely come to you if they have any problems.
Look at the big picture
When your child is acting out, it is important to remember that children do not always express their emotions in a logical way. Think of a toddler with a broken cracker. They may act like their puppy has died because you can’t put the cracker back together for them. But what is the real cause of the eruption? It’s likely that the cracker has nothing to do with the problem.
Ask yourself: are they hungry? Has their schedule changed? Do they argue with their friend? Did they get enough sleep? Was someone mean to them at school? Did their football training go badly? Are they having a hard time in class?
Figure out the big picture before you get involved. This is a great time to implement active listening. Remember to try not to pry. Instead, ask open-ended questions about their day and acknowledge their feelings during the conversation. The more you talk, the easier it is to reveal the problem naturally.
Let them explore different interests
Sometimes parents force their passions on their children. Just because you enjoy gardening doesn’t mean they will enjoy the same pastime. If you want to be a better parent, try to give your children the opportunity to explore the world and find their own interests. Go to the farmer’s market to meet people with unique jobs, ask companies to let your child shadow one of their employees for a week, sign up for free and affordable classes at the community center, and go on day trips to give them a chance give see other parts of the state.
If they are interested in something, participate in the activity together! This can be a great bonding experience, and even if you don’t want to become a mechanic, taking classes or talking to your child about different cars can help you learn more about them and give him/her the opportunity to get to know themselves better .
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Always advocate for your child
Finally, you are your child’s supporter, provider, and protector. If a situation makes them feel uncomfortable or they are being treated unfairly, say so. Parents will never win popularity contests, so try not to worry about others’ perception of you. Be firm and fight for your child when he or she needs someone to have their back. Moreover, you should not discount your intuitions about your baby, no matter how old he or she may be. If you think something is wrong, your hunch is probably correct and your best bet is to find ways to fix the problem.
When it comes to figuring out how to be a better parent, the answer lies in the mirror. Look back to your childhood. What stands out? What impressed you and what could you have done without? Then think about the actions of others. Which small gestures have a positive impact on your day? Finally, what do you need in life to be happy, challenged and fulfilled? These answers can point your parenting in the right direction.